Greg says...

June 9th, 2008

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Greg continues to say the darndest things.

Here's his latest:

"They were all doing Liz...in the Garden Department."

Yep, they sure were.


Turns out, he was impressed by the flowers in a friend's garden, and wanted to remark that said friends were "out-doing Liz" (another gardening friend).

So, from now on, I won't be able to look at Liz's garden without thinking horrible thoughts.

Sorry Liz.

I have to kill a car full of Cubans then deliver this suitcase full of cocaine

February 16th, 2008

...that's today's "Greg quote of the day" (in reference to Grand Theft Auto, mind you, not my exciting moonlighting job as a mule).

As though we hadn't sunk far enough into the digital black hole at our house, we now have a new reason to go all glassy-eyed and neglect our hygeine...wireless internet!

Beginning yesterday, we can access the www from anywhere in the house, or the yard (in theory, there's too much weather outside to go out and check), and we can play Nintendo DS with other wireless-blessed folks out there.

Payless was having a shoe sale today, but I bought a router instead, that's how much this means to me.

mistakes have been made

November 12th, 2007

I cut off my hair yesterday. My glorious, gorgeous, glittery hair (it's not really glittery, I just needed another "g" word). I'm not sure how I feel about this. My neck is cold, and my hair ties are lonely and neglected...but I'm not sure how I feel personally.

Sometimes I forget that it's not as easy to undo real-life actions as it is to fix them in Photoshop. The odds of ending up with hair bliss instead of hair apathy probably would have been better if I'd tried out a few digital wigs before actually making the cut.

It better grow back. I've been told that it will, you all better not be lying.

winner!

I won a very minor competition, but I feel like I won a million bucks...okay, no...maybe 100 bucks.

Greg and I both participated in a slalom skateboarding competition this weekend and had an awesome time. I ended up with first place in the Women's Beginner category (there were only three of us, but I beat Cindy, and that's what really matters).

Check out my rad new wheels!

hello, Death, my old friend

October 8th, 2007

Today I had the first frank conversation I've had with my Mom in a long time. Normally I don't bother to come to her with my problems, because she really doesn't care to hear them. It's always been, "Well of course you're hurt, but for God's sake, why are you telling me?!" The only exception to that norm is death. My mom has lost more people in her life than your average hospital, she is no stranger to grief. She says that it takes you when you least expect. You try to stuff it down, but it consumes you, and you fall apart. I was suprised by her candor, I had expected to hear a short sound-bite about how 'they are better off where they are,' and 'you can take comfort that they didn't suffer.'

I used to think that death didn't affect her. She talks about losing her mother at the age of eight to skin cancer like it's a clinical study on melonoma. She has no trouble reciting every detail of the car crash that killed her best friend and her friend's entire family. She streams the names of dead relatives and their ailments every time I have a cough or a fever. I just thought she was immune. It's funny the lengths that people will go when they think they are protecting you.

She taught me all those years to see death as a passing fascination, something to be studied and proded with sticks, but not to be feared or felt.

And now we make a u-turn. We talk about seeking out others to discuss your feelings, taking the time to experience the different stages of loss, and understanding that the pain never really goes away.

I'm still not entirely sure how to reconcile what I've been taught to feel, and what I'm feeling now.

Zoobilee

July 22nd, 2007

Friday night, my Mom and I finally got to go to Zoobilee. After years of working behind the scenes and watching the wealthy people get smashing drunk and spill free food on themselves, we were inducted to the club.

So of course...it poured down rain. For those of you who aren't familiar with Zoobilee, it's an outdoor event at the Pt. Defiance Zoo to raise money for the zoo society. They bring in tons of food tents from area restaurants and set up multiple stages for local bands and entertainment. And it's always on a gorgeous evening on the the tail end of a spectacular, sunny day...until we decide to go, and it rains.

It was about 60 degrees and all of the food tents were in grassy areas (which quickly became muddy areas). It's a good thing we took lots of pictures of the dress, because it's destroyed. The tiny korean drycleaner took one look at it and said, "What you do?!!"

But I had a great time. It was awesome to see 200 people on the dance floor waving umbrellas. I loved the cover band, the Beatniks, I want them to play at my next party (they're most likely out of my price range).

The food was incredible. We'll probably never get another chance to sample fare from the most expensive restaurants in town. Then of course, there was the booze: glorious, free, and abundant...also intoxicating, but that's a given.

If I ever win the lottery, I will do this again, and take everyone I know. So be watching out for that. It's gonna happen.

here's your answer

June 30th, 2007

I know that everyone wants to know when we're getting married, and the simple answer is: I have no idea. Maybe next year, maybe in five years, maybe never.

Weddings are cool, and I'm sure it would be fun, but the truth is that I don't put much stock in them. I've seen too many relationships fall apart to believe that being married will help us in any way. There's no need to have a ceremony to prove that we love each other, it's pretty obvious.

(If) When we do get around to tying the knot, I want to throw a completely over-the-top party for everyone, and not make it all about us. It would be a great excuse to get my scattered family to all gather in one place and be civil to each other for a few days. Although that probably wouldn't happen because many of them have already refused to come to our non-existent wedding unless it is in the Catholic/Evangelical/Lutheran/Insert-religion-here church.

It's not rude to ask, but you should be forewarned that I don't have any enthusiasm for this event.

The only thing I ever dreamed about was becoming a professional artist and having a kick-ass career. I never dreamed of walking down the aisle in a white dress, or being "Mrs.Whatever." In fact, it was the last thing I ever would have bothered to think about.

So there's your answer.

if i ate turkey, i may have been too tired to care

November 30th, 2006

There’s no excuse to pay big bucks for a full-page ad in the New York Times that has a spelling or grammatical error. There’s really no excuse to pay for a full-page ad that only has five words and still has a grammatical error.

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when the sales department manager popped up (literally, she crouches in front of my cube wall and “pops” up). She has a section from the NYT that she’s waving around. “What’s wrong with this picture?” she asks.

So I take a look. Hmmmm, well, there’s a pilgrim hat. It appears to be an ad for Thanksgiving shows on the History Channel. “Well,” I start, “the actual pilgrims never wore those hats…wait a minute...does that say ‘thier’? Oh my God, it does.” In 48pt type.

C’mon people! Not only should the copywriter, designer, and art director at the History Channel have caught this, the NYT should have caught this. The New York Times should not have allowed that to go to press. I, with my puny minor in Journalism, at least know that much.

Not to be down on History, because History has taught us many things...

In fact here are some of the things that History has taught us recently:

Some people like to tow their trailers out to the woods and look for Sasquatch, avoid those people.

If you are searching for the antichrist, you should look for: “A brilliant, enigmatic public figure who transforms the world for good--for a while.” (as per their web site and episode description)

The USS Salt Lake City has the best food of any nuclear submarine.


It was a sad day for History. Hopefully we will be able to learn from this experience, and History will not repeat itself…

i smell like febreeze!

November 11th, 2006

We finally found a home for Rocky! I dropped him off at his new place a few days ago. He's living on a farm, hunting mice for a lady who shows horses. She has a huge arena, a barn, and 30 acres of land that need rodent policing. I know he'll be happy there.

Now that we are down to one cat, it's time to get down to business getting the place smelling like there's only one cat. I spent all day yesterday scrubbing and spraying and soaping the homestead. Good timing too, because my Mom will be here any second now. It finally feels like things are slowing down. I actually got to lay on my floor and enjoy the house (lovely, clean house) for a few minutes. Maybe I'll even be able to get some work done and start making more money (!) That would be rad.

homeownership rocks my socks off

October 5th, 2006

Okay, so, the new house is great...except for a few not-so-minor things.

I hopped in the shower for the first time the other day (not the first time in my life, just the first in the new place), and when I turned on the water, disaster struck. The tub spout shot off the wall, went across the room, and smacked into the opposite wall. Until I got it fixed, the water just came directly out of the wall, and we took baths.

Now the basement is flooding because the overflow drain is backed up. The neighbors say that they had the same problem, and it's roots from the stupid trees (I love trees, but these ones are stupid) wrapping around the pipes and going through them. They had to have a guy come out and run a scary razor-thing through their pipes to sever the roots and clear the line. So after all this, I was pretty stressed and starting to smell sweaty, and I thought, "Why not do some laundry so I can put on something fresh." Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

The washing machine drains into a sink in the basement.

My flooding problem is now ten times worse. And my clothes are wet. "Why?" You ask. Well, the plug to my dryer goes to nowhere. Although the dryer appears to be plugged in, it's not actually hooked to a power source of any kind.

Hooray, I'm damp and smelly.