mistakes have been made

November 12th, 2007

I cut off my hair yesterday. My glorious, gorgeous, glittery hair (it's not really glittery, I just needed another "g" word). I'm not sure how I feel about this. My neck is cold, and my hair ties are lonely and neglected...but I'm not sure how I feel personally.

Sometimes I forget that it's not as easy to undo real-life actions as it is to fix them in Photoshop. The odds of ending up with hair bliss instead of hair apathy probably would have been better if I'd tried out a few digital wigs before actually making the cut.

It better grow back. I've been told that it will, you all better not be lying.

winner!

I won a very minor competition, but I feel like I won a million bucks...okay, no...maybe 100 bucks.

Greg and I both participated in a slalom skateboarding competition this weekend and had an awesome time. I ended up with first place in the Women's Beginner category (there were only three of us, but I beat Cindy, and that's what really matters).

Check out my rad new wheels!

hello, Death, my old friend

October 8th, 2007

Today I had the first frank conversation I've had with my Mom in a long time. Normally I don't bother to come to her with my problems, because she really doesn't care to hear them. It's always been, "Well of course you're hurt, but for God's sake, why are you telling me?!" The only exception to that norm is death. My mom has lost more people in her life than your average hospital, she is no stranger to grief. She says that it takes you when you least expect. You try to stuff it down, but it consumes you, and you fall apart. I was suprised by her candor, I had expected to hear a short sound-bite about how 'they are better off where they are,' and 'you can take comfort that they didn't suffer.'

I used to think that death didn't affect her. She talks about losing her mother at the age of eight to skin cancer like it's a clinical study on melonoma. She has no trouble reciting every detail of the car crash that killed her best friend and her friend's entire family. She streams the names of dead relatives and their ailments every time I have a cough or a fever. I just thought she was immune. It's funny the lengths that people will go when they think they are protecting you.

She taught me all those years to see death as a passing fascination, something to be studied and proded with sticks, but not to be feared or felt.

And now we make a u-turn. We talk about seeking out others to discuss your feelings, taking the time to experience the different stages of loss, and understanding that the pain never really goes away.

I'm still not entirely sure how to reconcile what I've been taught to feel, and what I'm feeling now.

Zoobilee

July 22nd, 2007

Friday night, my Mom and I finally got to go to Zoobilee. After years of working behind the scenes and watching the wealthy people get smashing drunk and spill free food on themselves, we were inducted to the club.

So of course...it poured down rain. For those of you who aren't familiar with Zoobilee, it's an outdoor event at the Pt. Defiance Zoo to raise money for the zoo society. They bring in tons of food tents from area restaurants and set up multiple stages for local bands and entertainment. And it's always on a gorgeous evening on the the tail end of a spectacular, sunny day...until we decide to go, and it rains.

It was about 60 degrees and all of the food tents were in grassy areas (which quickly became muddy areas). It's a good thing we took lots of pictures of the dress, because it's destroyed. The tiny korean drycleaner took one look at it and said, "What you do?!!"

But I had a great time. It was awesome to see 200 people on the dance floor waving umbrellas. I loved the cover band, the Beatniks, I want them to play at my next party (they're most likely out of my price range).

The food was incredible. We'll probably never get another chance to sample fare from the most expensive restaurants in town. Then of course, there was the booze: glorious, free, and abundant...also intoxicating, but that's a given.

If I ever win the lottery, I will do this again, and take everyone I know. So be watching out for that. It's gonna happen.

here's your answer

June 30th, 2007

I know that everyone wants to know when we're getting married, and the simple answer is: I have no idea. Maybe next year, maybe in five years, maybe never.

Weddings are cool, and I'm sure it would be fun, but the truth is that I don't put much stock in them. I've seen too many relationships fall apart to believe that being married will help us in any way. There's no need to have a ceremony to prove that we love each other, it's pretty obvious.

(If) When we do get around to tying the knot, I want to throw a completely over-the-top party for everyone, and not make it all about us. It would be a great excuse to get my scattered family to all gather in one place and be civil to each other for a few days. Although that probably wouldn't happen because many of them have already refused to come to our non-existent wedding unless it is in the Catholic/Evangelical/Lutheran/Insert-religion-here church.

It's not rude to ask, but you should be forewarned that I don't have any enthusiasm for this event.

The only thing I ever dreamed about was becoming a professional artist and having a kick-ass career. I never dreamed of walking down the aisle in a white dress, or being "Mrs.Whatever." In fact, it was the last thing I ever would have bothered to think about.

So there's your answer.