Denied

As I write this I am lying on the couch with my head filled with fluid, hugging a box of kleenex. I've felt this coming on for about a week but ignored it, thinking I could power through it.

I train hard and I play to win, sickness is for weaklings. The St. Paddy's Day 5-miler is this weekend and I'll be damned if I get anything less than the top 20 for women.

This is the fallacy of my life.

At the beginning of this year, I was excited by the possibility of selling my jewelry at a store in the mall. After months of trying to plan a meeting with owner, I finally got my chance today. When I woke up this morning, my face was burning and I had lost my voice, but I refused the miss the meeting that it had taken so long to get. I put on some of my nicer clothes and took my carefully arranged items to the store.

And got denied.

What happened? Isn't this the same store that was excited about my items a few months earlier?

She told me that she already something similar to my items that she bought last week (last week!) at a trade show. But the look on her face told me that she wouldn't have bought anything regardless. Maybe it was my sniffles and haggard look, my presentation, who knows. What I do know is that I regret pushing so hard for this when I should have stepped back to see the big picture.

The big picture is this: That place is not a good fit for my items, neon day-glo and hand-turned wooden bowls can never be friends. I should have been working toward something else.

The big picture for running is that I'm training for the Windemere 1/2 marathon in May. If I'm over-training to meet a goal for a minor race, I will be too tired or injured to do the work when it really counts.

The million-dollar question is figuring out when it's really going to count. I haven't discovered the answer to that yet, so if you have, please let me in on it.

But even without the ability to see the future, we can at least think about our real goals. What are your goals? Do you want to lose weight, spend more time with your family, go to Europe? By themselves, your goals might look sensible, but if you break them down, you could discover that what you are doing is contrary to your desired outcome.

For example: Two of my current goals are to take a trip to Ireland and to build my business. Sounds reasonable right? I work hard and a vacation would revitalize me. Selling my stuff would earn me money and help pay for the trip. After my vacation, I could really focus on the business and be more aggressive about promoting.

I'm saving money for the trip by not going out to eat or buying fancy coffees. I'm publicizing my business on Etsy, opening a Google Adwords account, building inventory and doing craft fairs...wait a minute...I'm concurrently saving money for one thing and spending the same amount (if not more) on the other.

I'm moving neither forward nor backward. I'm relying on one thing to cause the other. I'll sell lots of things and use the money to take a trip; I'll take a trip and use my renewed energy to sell lots of things. CRAP.

Are your goals canceling each-other out? Are you working super-hard so you can take a break and not be so tired from working super-hard?

What do you really want? Do you want to run yourself into a brick wall over and over, or would you rather slow down and make the turn?